dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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