3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
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