3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
