Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
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Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly