just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
