his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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