Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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