yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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