so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
