when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize