you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
