I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Text me some of your sweat
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
