She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize