After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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