Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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