I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
