so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
