I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
