He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Rumble strips road head = magical
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
