ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
