Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
