I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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