I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
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There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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