no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
