How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
