I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
