I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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