so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
