the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
