Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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