I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize