1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize