You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
