My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
