my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive