That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
