it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
