I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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