I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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