As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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