only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
