I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
