you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
