At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
