So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
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i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
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When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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