I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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