Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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