Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
