i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
