I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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