in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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