He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
