I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
