Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
