What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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