So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
