filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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