i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
